Friday, December 17, 2010

feeling a little misplaced....

So it has been over a year since I last time fly's. I have pulled this up so many times and stared at the blank page, trying to figure out what to write. Do I write about what is going on, what my experiences are, or how lost I feel in the fertility world. Why you ask...well here it is-we are pregnant! I am 18 wks right now, and I didn't get pregnant doing fertility. I am ecstatic that we didn't have to go through it again, but feel like I have betrayed my dear friends. I remember the envy and annoyance I used to have for people like me because I was going through cycle, after failed cycle, after failed cycle.

So lets back up....Hubby and I decided to start "trying" in April, and to our surprise got pregnant right away. We were in awe, couldn't believe it. Everything was going fine, but because I don't get my period on a normal cycle my OB wanted to do a couple early ultrasounds and extra bloodwork. So we did a ultrasound at 7 1/2 wks and everything looked great! Heartbeat of 150's. We decided to wait until 10 wks to do the next one. At this point I wasn't feeling good, but felt a little less pressure since we had seen a heartbeat. All that came crashing down on us when I went for a 10 wk ultrasound and there was no heartbeat. The baby was measuring pretty close to 10 wks, so they assumed I had m/c in the last few days. It sucked, but I was okay. I was thrilled that we got pregnant although it wasn't the outcome we wanted, it was still positive. I waited a week and still hadn't passed it, so opted for a DNC. Please tell me why I didn't due that the last time. It was so much less emotionally and physically painful.

So we waited a full cycle and got back to it, and bam, right away again-pregnant! Obviously thrilled again but very reluctant to tell anyone including our parents. But here was the problem, we went on vacation and I was sicked than a dog the last few day. So it came out. The entire first trimester killed me. I was so sick, I felt as if I had the flu from the time I woke up, until I went to bed. I finally went on Zofran after 8 wks, and it has been my wonder drug. I don't think I could have gotten thru it without it. Since about 14 wks I have been feeling a lot better.

So that is the latest and greatest. I was scheduled for my ultrasound for the 30th, but it has now been moved until Jan 4th because they want perinatology to do it. With everything they found with Cman, they want to take precaution with this one. I understand it but really don't want to wait an extra week. Isn't that horrible!!

So, if you have read me before, I hope you continue to follow. And if you feel I have betrayed you or can't follow due to the pain it would cause you, I totally understand and only wish you the best. For those of you that are following....there is more to come.