Friday, August 29, 2008

I am a liar ,again!!

so I am sorry I haven't been writing lately, it's been a little hectic. So let's back up:

August 7th-I came home from traveling for work for 2 weeks. This was the longest 2ww of my life. I was in a 2ww wait but also just having a really hard time with life. I was sick of the hormones, sick of the mood swings, sick of not spending money on small things-just sick of it all. I decided to take a hpt that evening, although I knew not to take it until morning, but figured this would lesson the blow (if that is ever possible.) So I took the test, and it turned colors right away, there was no question, the line was darker than the picture on the box. So the next morning I made a Dr's appt, because I really didn't believe it.

August 8th-beta 282-holy shit!!!!

So I was totally pregnant, but scared shitless!! I had the worst anxiety that my biggest nightmare would happen again.

August 15th-went to work not feeling well, and was having major cramping. Called my dr and went in on August 16th-they found that I had a few ovarian cysts, and probably ruptured one. But also saw the sak-which normally is not visible.

August 26-u/s number two--HEARTBEAT 136 bpm!! This is what we wanted, at this point we move up to 96% to caring this baby full term. If fact I graduate back to my OB/GYN on Friday of next week. I am kind of sad to leave my RE, but that was the ultimate goal. I have one more ultrasound on Tuesday.

So, how am I feeling you ask? Like crap! I am not vomiting, but extremely nauseous all the time. In the beginning I didn't really understand all the hype about being tired, because I wasn't. I get it now. I feel like I have been hit by a truck from the time I get up until I go to bed! It is terrible, but in no way am I complaining. I have never been so excited to feel like such crap!

I will fill all of you in on more details in the days to come, now that I can write about this again. Sorry for the delay in the news, we just needed some time to digest all of this. It has been a little scary, and realistically we still have a few weeks to go before we are truly out of the woods. Please keep praying for us that this all works out! We want this so badly!!

Ps. It really only does take one!!!

Wednesday, August 13, 2008

new do

do you like it, I needed a face lift!!!!

Tuesday, August 12, 2008

finacial advisor

Today we met with a financial advisor to see what our options are at this point. We talked about what options were good and obviously, what options were bad. Overall, I felt it was a very helpful conversation. The advisor is close friends with our RE, so he offers his services free. And he isn't tied to any financial organization, so he doesn't push you into services an agency would pressure you toward.

Other than that, we are back to saving money and waiting. It seems to be the story of our life. We are attending a adoption meeting on September 8th. We are going to get some info and hopefully an start the application process. Apparently, one of the prerequisites is having to be married for 2 years. We won't hit that until March of next year, but we are hoping we can start the process and just not be listed until then. From what I have heard it takes at least a few months to get through the applications process and the home studies. And with my schedule during the fall and holiday I am sure it will slow things down.

In the mean time I don't know if I am fighting a little summer cold or if my allergies are starting to act up. I know that counts are high right now, so it really is probably just allergies. Hubby is complaining about the same thing. I have a little cough and my nose is a little stuffy and runny-boy isn't that fun.

Friday, August 8, 2008

help, I am having withdrawls

I feel like I haven't blogged in months! I have been traveling the last two weeks and I am finally home to a normal computer. I was staying with my parents (love them dearly) but their computer is from 1962! Okay, may be not that old but the Internet speed is slower than dial up. I was lucky If I could check my email-and that took a half hour to load up. Anyway I am back and hopefully will update you more now.

This last week has been extremely emotional for me. I am tired of the stress!! I feel like my life is in a stand still and I can't see past today. This last cycle was crappy and no one seemed to have much confidence that it would work. I just don't know how much longer I can keep doing this to myself. We are broke, our insurance doesn't pay for anything-nothing!! We are starting to look at other options. As much as I don't want to, we have to. I am not saying that I am giving up hope, it's we have to face to harsh truth that this may not happen. I don't want to wait until I am 40 to be a mom. IF is almost like an addiction. May be next month will be the month, or the month after, time after time spending money. It's like going to the casino and thinking maybe one more quarter, one more spin and jackpot. I wish I had the answer on when to say when, and walk away a winner.

So this week we started a new Chapter. We are now looking into adoption. So far we like Lutheran Social Services best. We are attending a orientation meeting on September 4th. At that appointment we will find out what this will all entail, costs, time frames. In all, it is going to cost us about as much as if we did IVF. I am just to scared to do IVF and have it not work. If our insurance was paying for it, it would be a totally different story. If that was the case I would do IVF a few times, but it is not worth us being bankrupt to afford to have children. I know my husband is having a hard time accepting the reality of our lives, but it doesn't mean we aren't good people or that we wouldn't make great parents. We still plan on doing one, maybe two more cycles, but we are taking a few months off. We have been very fortunate to get free drugs from our doctor and we have run out. I don't feel it is my place to ask for more, so we need to take a month off to save a little money. In the mean time we are doing research about adoptions, we want to put our energy toward this knowing we only have to months left of trying with ART. If anyone reading knows anyone with any experiences-good or bad, please let me know or post there link.

On a positive note, I went to the Poison concert last weekend. It was AWESOME! I knew every song-I know I am pathetic. But it was so much fun. There we so many people that dressed up like the 80's for the show. It was like stepping back in time. And what made it even better is it was a sell out, the place was packed!! We finished up the weekend going up to the cottage for some Sun and boating, the weather has been great here. On Monday, DH, and my sister and I took my cousins kids for the night. It was a little hectic-I don't know how moms of 4 kids all under 4 do it. We went to MCd's for happy meals, ice cream and playland. Then to the park, came home, put 3 dirty kids in the bath and then watched a movie--needless to say I needed a nap!! Tuesday we went boating again, and Wed back to work. Hope everyone has been well! I am off to work!