Wednesday, July 30, 2008
tired? yes, but have been working my butt off at work.
sore chest? nothing
moody? I would be lying if I said no, but also a little on edge from work
food cravings/aversions? Always, but I have had them really bad since starting hormones.
I guess those are the major ones and so far not anything to read into. Other than that I am still back home. I been working but also making some time to see friends and family. I have a busy next few days. Tomorrow is my last day of work, and then I am spending some time with a close friend who I rarely get to see anymore. Friday, I am getting my hair done and my parents are having a fish fry with friends so I will be joining their festivities. And on Saturday I am going to a Poison concert!! Yes folks I am a 80's fan. This should be hilarious!! I am going with my cousin and some Friends (of course our husbands will be there.) Tesla and skid row are opening for them. I feel like I should crimp my hair or do dress up for this show. Anyway, I hope everyone has a good weekend!!!!
Sunday, July 27, 2008
Hope everyone has a good week!!
Thursday, July 24, 2008
I have gone into this IUI, like I have nothing to lose. No one seems to have to much confidence that this cycle will work, but its better than 2/3 of the cycles I have had in the last 18 months. I produced 1 egg, and I ovulated-2 things I didn't do before. So, what do I have to lose? It only takes one, right? Maybe because of that I won't worry as much, or much less think about the 2ww. Next week should keep me busy. I found out I have to travel all week. It actually works well because I will be in stores in my home town. I am sure my parents will be thrilled that I am home all week. As much as I love going home, I feel like I have been there way to much this summer!!
So before I leave, I have a funny, well actually it's kind of strange. DH is working overnights this week because of our IUI and last night was his first night. Needless to say, he was extremely over tired this morning at our appt. We were waiting for our RE to come in the room, and he started laughing hysterically. I asked him what the deal was because nothing was said. He told me that he was daydreaming (more like a nightmare) on how funny it would be for the RE to come in and see him undressed from the waist down, covered up with a white sheet with his feet in stirrups. I don't think he is right. I told him we needed to get him home to bed and he needs to be careful what he wishes for. Sometimes I just don't know............
Wednesday, July 23, 2008
Worse case scenario-we take what we learned this cycle and the last cycle and get it right the next time.
Tuesday, July 22, 2008
Now I have spent way to many hours on the Internet researching, so you would think I would know the answer to this. But if they increase my dose to 150 iu, the 17 mm is going to be huge-so big that in my mind it is ineffective. And the other ones become between 13-14mm, isn't that to small to do anything. So why didn't we just go with the one at 17mm yesterday? Everyday thousands of woman get pregnant from 1 freaking egg. I am trusting her because she is the professional, but sometimes that is not real reassuring. My DH thinks I am just over reacting because of the drugs-maybe I am, but I am still feeling it. It is still what I go though. And it isn't going away!!
So, Thursday and Friday will be IUI days. I am hoping for the best, but still scared to death. I just don't want another month of disappointment.
Ps. My dad was diagnosed with Cancer back in early March. He had been done with treatment since the end of May. Today he went in for a CAT scan to find out if they got it all. So if you could all say an extra prayer for him, I would appreciate it. Thanks!
Friday, July 18, 2008
So in the mean time, I am back home for another family wedding. I will get to have another "baby fix" from my cousins kid tomorrow. Part of the wedding is a golf outing, I don't golf so I am taking all the kids with another cousin of mine. It should be fun!! Hope everyone has a good weekend. I will update more on Sunday. TA TA for now.
Tuesday, July 15, 2008
In this new "game plan" she also decided her goal is to get me pregnant with twins! Her theory in this is if I get pregnant with twins, and miscarry one, I will have a singleton in the end. And worst case, I have twins. I am totally fine with this, although I was a little shocked she came out and said it. We kind of thought that this might a possibility anyway. We chit chatted about the miscarriage, and what it really means-which I already know. We also talked about some of the stuff on the u/s-that we see but don't know what it is. I know what I am looking at when they measure, but she showed us other things about my cervix and uterus. It was like we were hanging out talking like we had been good friends for 10 years. It was kind of nice. I feel really good about the appointment and about this cycle.
I don't know what my problem seems to be this month, but shots hurt like hell. When I went to have my blood drawn this morning, she couldn't get any blood from my arm, which was strange. But she was digging for the vein with the needle still in my arm. It hurt so bad that I had to make her stop and use the other arm. The other arm gave her blood but hurt just as bad. Both arms have matching bruises the size of quarters now. I have not had any markings other than a pin mark on either one of my arms since I started IF over a year ago. When I was giving my self my shot last night, it bothered me too. I thought it was that I had given to many shots to that side of my body with out switching it up. Tonight I did it on the other side and it hurt like hell. I don't get it. And this cycle had only just begun, I go back to my RE on Friday morning.
Monday, July 14, 2008
On the If front. I got the go ahead from my RE to start the injectables. Tonight will be my 3rd night of shots. They started my dosage really low, half of what I started the last time. So, I am taking 50 iu every shot. I go beck to the Re tomorrow morning. I wish I knew why they were starting me so low, but they are the professionals. I am just scared this cycle will cost me more money. Well, I hope you all had a great weekend. I am sorry that this blog was so long. I promise to update after tomorrows appt.
Friday, July 11, 2008
That would have been around my due date.
We could have compared stories, gone through some of it together.
What the hell are you doing telling people already-you are only 7 wks.
This is supposed to be me!!!!
Stop Mandy, this is not about you!!!
But then I came back into the real world, I was truly happy for her. Maybe it is because I barely know her, nor does she know any of my circumstances. There wasn't any resentment. Of course I am jealous, and wish it was me, but it's not and I can't change that. My managers were trying to keep this from me, they didn't know how I would handle it. I was actually told in front of one of them and she was shocked at how well I took it. It is what it is!
So we move on to tomorrow mornings appt. I am ready for the new chapter to begin. As kimberli stated, I have my boxing gloves back on and I am ready to fight the ugly IF. And this bitch is going down!!!
Thursday, July 10, 2008
Tuesday, July 8, 2008
Anyway, we are back in town. Yesterday, we spent the entire day trying to put up a ceiling fan in our spare bedroom. This is the 3rd one we have attempted. The first one we couldn't even get the light to turn. The second we could get the light and not the fan. Now, there is no way we have 3 lemons. We tried the 3rd, and have the same problem as the second. In talking with my uncle, who is a regular handy man, he thinks the electrician screwed something up when wiring our house. He thinks we have everything connected correctly, and thinks that we had the first and second correct as well. So we will see if it works by the end of today. My DH had until 3 to get it working. We are going to the Brew.er game tonight. Rumor has it, it is a sell out game because of the trade they made this week. So that should be fun!!
On the IF front. I have 3 days left of medroxyprogesterone, so AF should be here by Thursday or Friday at the latest. That puts us at Sat. or Sun. for my baseline u/s. I am ready to start, but don't want to have AF after bleeding for ever with my m/c.
Hope everyone had a good weekend!
Wednesday, July 2, 2008
What if I can't get pregnant?
I am scared to death of not getting pregnant. The disappointment that I had cycle after cycle before I got pregnant was so debilitating. In all honesty, I felt I would never get pregnant. And the oral drugs seemed to make the process even harder due to the side effects.
What if I get pregnant?
Will I be excited or scared to death? I will never have that feeling of telling my parents or in laws for the first time again. Hearing the excitement in there voices that they are going to be grandparents and that our journey of infertility is over for the time being. When do we tell people if we do get pregnant? How will they react? I think I will be so paranoid that something will happen. This last time every little twitch of pain or discomfort I felt I thought something bad was happening (like I said maybe it actually was.) How do you not feel the anxiety, especially after m/c? At what point does it actually get better? Or doesn't it...........
What if I m/c again?
I don't think I could handle it! What can I do to prevent what happened, again? What does this mean for my infertility, does this change what it wrong with me? or does it add another complication? What do we do after that, another round of injectables or IVF?
How many times to I do this to myself?
I can't even think of this. I don't want to give up, but I am tired. I feel like I am loosing my identitly. I hate how I feel, it is not me. I am a confident, easy go lucky kind of girl. I don't waste time worring about things that I can't control. I am not that person anymore!! I need to find her.
I understand that no one has the answers-but damn it I WANT SOME!!! And I know we will never know until these circumstance happen. So I am going to go away for the holiday and I am going to enjoy my last horrah again before I start the heavy duty drugs. We are going to my aunt and uncles cabin with all of my cousins until Monday. I am hoping this will recharge me like my trip to Florida did. I just need a few days away full of fun and laughs. Hope you all have a great 4th, I probably won't be blogging again until Sunday or Monday