Yesterday we went to the doctor, and as you have seen from yesterdays post it did not go the way we wanted it to. My body is not responding to the femara so if we want to have are own children we have to to do injectables. There is no other option anymore. We have decided to take a break from this for a little while. If I were to start now, I would have to stop when I started traveling to New York, Kansas City, and Minneapolis. We also would only be able to do one round because of our trip to Florida. So we will start back up in August full force. By then we will be regrouped and ready to jump back in. Mentally, we just need a break from the stress of this all. Starting injectables is twice as stressful as what we have already done. There will be doctors appts with ultrasounds and blood tests every three days. We just need a break from that right now.
This whole process is the most draining thing I have ever experienced in my life. It is frustrating that you dream of being a mother from the time you are old enough to comprehend what a mother is. You play house with dolls, and take them everywhere with you. And then when you grow up and are ready to take on the responsibility, you can't. It is not that you are just not timing it right or it is taking a little while, you really just can't do it with out someone elses help. And that help is a pretty penny. You see people having one night stands or high schoolers getting pregnant from "just one time." I just don't get it. It makes you question your worth as a woman. I know there are millions of woman going through the same thing I am going through, but it as though we are all ashamed of it, like it makes us less of a person. But really we are no different. We have the same hopes, prayers, and wishes the mother nine months pregnant does.
I know that there is no other person I would rather go through this with than Justin. I don't know many men that could deal with the situation or me for that matter the way he does. Sometimes it is as simple as silent support or a shoulder to cry on-no matter what I seem to need, he seems to be able to fix it. I know that his main concern in life is my well being and making me happy. And every night when I go to bed, I look over and thank God that he chose us to spend our lives together.
I know God has a plan for us, I just wish I knew what it was. This whole situation has made me stronger in my faith, and stronger as a person. Although, I didn't feel I needed to get any stronger. I will continue to use this blog as a way of "talking" about it. I still have a lot of emotions about this and I don't think that those emotions will go away anytime soon. For those of you close to us, don't be afraid to ask us information about it, or just talk to us about it. It actually helps us to talk about it. I will update my plan of action once I talk to my doctor tomorrow.