do you miss me?

Sorry it been so long. Nothing new here. We are 1wk post iui. I can't say I feel any different.

Pregnancy symptoms:
tired? yes, but have been working my butt off at work.

sore chest? nothing

cramps? nothing

moody? I would be lying if I said no, but also a little on edge from work

food cravings/aversions? Always, but I have had them really bad since starting hormones.

I guess those are the major ones and so far not anything to read into. Other than that I am still back home. I been working but also making some time to see friends and family. I have a busy next few days. Tomorrow is my last day of work, and then I am spending some time with a close friend who I rarely get to see anymore. Friday, I am getting my hair done and my parents are having a fish fry with friends so I will be joining their festivities. And on Saturday I am going to a Poison concert!! Yes folks I am a 80's fan. This should be hilarious!! I am going with my cousin and some Friends (of course our husbands will be there.) Tesla and skid row are opening for them. I feel like I should crimp my hair or do dress up for this show. Anyway, I hope everyone has a good weekend!!!!

So far so good. I haven't really been thinking about this cycle, which is so strange to me. Hopefully I can keep that up. I am probably going to freak out about 3 or 4 days before I have to test, but wouldn't it be nice if I was as calm as I am now. I wish I knew why I am so calm, it is completely our of character for me. Apart of me is wondering, am I just getting used to this whole process, is this becoming what normal is. I don't want to get used to it!! I don't want it to be normal! I miss my "real" normal life. Doing things that I want to do, buying thing, going out to dinner, drinking Star.bucks. All of which I don't do at all anymore, because we have to save money! It sucks. anyway sorry for this tantrum. I was just having a little pity party. Well I am leaving town today for work. Hopefully this week goes fast! I will check in this week.

Hope everyone has a good week!!

another one bites the dust

We had our IUI this morning. Everything went fine. SA was great as usual, dh's counts were down a little, around 57 million. Apparently, most peoples counts drop this time of year due to the heat. I found that a little interesting, but it definitely made sense. It also didn't hurt as much as it normally dose, so that was a double bonus.

I have gone into this IUI, like I have nothing to lose. No one seems to have to much confidence that this cycle will work, but its better than 2/3 of the cycles I have had in the last 18 months. I produced 1 egg, and I ovulated-2 things I didn't do before. So, what do I have to lose? It only takes one, right? Maybe because of that I won't worry as much, or much less think about the 2ww. Next week should keep me busy. I found out I have to travel all week. It actually works well because I will be in stores in my home town. I am sure my parents will be thrilled that I am home all week. As much as I love going home, I feel like I have been there way to much this summer!!

So before I leave, I have a funny, well actually it's kind of strange. DH is working overnights this week because of our IUI and last night was his first night. Needless to say, he was extremely over tired this morning at our appt. We were waiting for our RE to come in the room, and he started laughing hysterically. I asked him what the deal was because nothing was said. He told me that he was daydreaming (more like a nightmare) on how funny it would be for the RE to come in and see him undressed from the waist down, covered up with a white sheet with his feet in stirrups. I don't think he is right. I told him we needed to get him home to bed and he needs to be careful what he wishes for. Sometimes I just don't know............

it only takes one

Nothing improved. My one and only eggs is measuring at 22mm. The double dose did nothing to help things. In fact, I don't even have another egg over 10mm, they literally all stayed the same size. So, we are doing a IUI tomorrow. Normally we do 2 IUI, back-to-back days. This time we are only doing to do 1. My RE doesn't feel it will increase our chances at all to have 2. One positive is that it will save us a little money. I am trying to stay positive, but can't deny that I am disappointed. I have to continue to remind myself it only takes one, and that happens everyday. I am looking forward to a little brake from giving myself shots, even if it is only two weeks.

Worse case scenario-we take what we learned this cycle and the last cycle and get it right the next time.

the wind is out of my sail

I went in to this cycle extremely positive. We knew we could get pregnant, so we just needed to start over again. We really had faith it would happen. My RE has been extremely positive, taking a new direction with this cycle. And then I went to my appointment yesterday, and all the wind came out of my sail. My endometrium lining is great, but I have 1 follie/egg that is ready, it is over 17 mm as of yesterday. My RE said the following "well I don't know if we are going to get you pregnant this cycle, but at least your insides won't hurt from OHSS." Please don't tell me that we don't know if your going to get me pregnant this cycle, that just made me feel like it's okay that you injected poison into my body, been violated by a magical wand 5 times, been stuck more than you can count, and been on a rollercoaster of emotions-and I DON'T LIKE ROLLERCOASTERS!! Oh yeah, not to mention we are broke, and you just wasted $2500 on a cycle for NOTHING! Instead you could say, "you have one great egg, lets get you pregnant, you know it only takes one." I personally think that might be a little more encouraging. But, my RE wants more than one egg, so she increased my dose to 150 iu, which is more than I have ever taken, and I go back tomorrow. She is assuming tomorrow will be trigger day, but just in case my body decides to have a mind of its own, I will also be doing OPK's at home. She wants to get some of the other eggs over 13 or 14 mm.

Now I have spent way to many hours on the Internet researching, so you would think I would know the answer to this. But if they increase my dose to 150 iu, the 17 mm is going to be huge-so big that in my mind it is ineffective. And the other ones become between 13-14mm, isn't that to small to do anything. So why didn't we just go with the one at 17mm yesterday? Everyday thousands of woman get pregnant from 1 freaking egg. I am trusting her because she is the professional, but sometimes that is not real reassuring. My DH thinks I am just over reacting because of the drugs-maybe I am, but I am still feeling it. It is still what I go though. And it isn't going away!!

So, Thursday and Friday will be IUI days. I am hoping for the best, but still scared to death. I just don't want another month of disappointment.

Ps. My dad was diagnosed with Cancer back in early March. He had been done with treatment since the end of May. Today he went in for a CAT scan to find out if they got it all. So if you could all say an extra prayer for him, I would appreciate it. Thanks!

no change

well not much to update, no change really. I still have small stuff and my E2 stayed pretty much the same at 100. So they increased my dose to 75 iu, which is what I took at the end of my last cycle. I go back for another u/s on Monday.

So in the mean time, I am back home for another family wedding. I will get to have another "baby fix" from my cousins kid tomorrow. Part of the wedding is a golf outing, I don't golf so I am taking all the kids with another cousin of mine. It should be fun!! Hope everyone has a good weekend. I will update more on Sunday. TA TA for now.

slower is better?

So sorry it taken me so long to update today, I had to work and just got home at 10 pm. They have decided to keep me at 50 iu. My e2 was 99 and I had small folli's. We actually had a really good appointment. My RE sat and talked with us about a whole bunch of things including obviously what the game plan is for this cycle. They are going to take what they learned from my last cycle and make some changes. First of all they started us low because my e2 spiked to badly the last time. Also I am responding so well to low doses they think this is a better option. Due to the low dose, I will produce slower. My last cycle I took shots for 8 days-4 at 100 iu, and 4 at 75 iu. Last cycle, I had appointments every 4 days, this cycle every 3. So, I will have more appointments which means more money-that sucks! Ya gotta do what ya gotta do.

In this new "game plan" she also decided her goal is to get me pregnant with twins! Her theory in this is if I get pregnant with twins, and miscarry one, I will have a singleton in the end. And worst case, I have twins. I am totally fine with this, although I was a little shocked she came out and said it. We kind of thought that this might a possibility anyway. We chit chatted about the miscarriage, and what it really means-which I already know. We also talked about some of the stuff on the u/s-that we see but don't know what it is. I know what I am looking at when they measure, but she showed us other things about my cervix and uterus. It was like we were hanging out talking like we had been good friends for 10 years. It was kind of nice. I feel really good about the appointment and about this cycle.

I don't know what my problem seems to be this month, but shots hurt like hell. When I went to have my blood drawn this morning, she couldn't get any blood from my arm, which was strange. But she was digging for the vein with the needle still in my arm. It hurt so bad that I had to make her stop and use the other arm. The other arm gave her blood but hurt just as bad. Both arms have matching bruises the size of quarters now. I have not had any markings other than a pin mark on either one of my arms since I started IF over a year ago. When I was giving my self my shot last night, it bothered me too. I thought it was that I had given to many shots to that side of my body with out switching it up. Tonight I did it on the other side and it hurt like hell. I don't get it. And this cycle had only just begun, I go back to my RE on Friday morning.