the wind is out of my sail

I went in to this cycle extremely positive. We knew we could get pregnant, so we just needed to start over again. We really had faith it would happen. My RE has been extremely positive, taking a new direction with this cycle. And then I went to my appointment yesterday, and all the wind came out of my sail. My endometrium lining is great, but I have 1 follie/egg that is ready, it is over 17 mm as of yesterday. My RE said the following "well I don't know if we are going to get you pregnant this cycle, but at least your insides won't hurt from OHSS." Please don't tell me that we don't know if your going to get me pregnant this cycle, that just made me feel like it's okay that you injected poison into my body, been violated by a magical wand 5 times, been stuck more than you can count, and been on a rollercoaster of emotions-and I DON'T LIKE ROLLERCOASTERS!! Oh yeah, not to mention we are broke, and you just wasted $2500 on a cycle for NOTHING! Instead you could say, "you have one great egg, lets get you pregnant, you know it only takes one." I personally think that might be a little more encouraging. But, my RE wants more than one egg, so she increased my dose to 150 iu, which is more than I have ever taken, and I go back tomorrow. She is assuming tomorrow will be trigger day, but just in case my body decides to have a mind of its own, I will also be doing OPK's at home. She wants to get some of the other eggs over 13 or 14 mm.

Now I have spent way to many hours on the Internet researching, so you would think I would know the answer to this. But if they increase my dose to 150 iu, the 17 mm is going to be huge-so big that in my mind it is ineffective. And the other ones become between 13-14mm, isn't that to small to do anything. So why didn't we just go with the one at 17mm yesterday? Everyday thousands of woman get pregnant from 1 freaking egg. I am trusting her because she is the professional, but sometimes that is not real reassuring. My DH thinks I am just over reacting because of the drugs-maybe I am, but I am still feeling it. It is still what I go though. And it isn't going away!!

So, Thursday and Friday will be IUI days. I am hoping for the best, but still scared to death. I just don't want another month of disappointment.

Ps. My dad was diagnosed with Cancer back in early March. He had been done with treatment since the end of May. Today he went in for a CAT scan to find out if they got it all. So if you could all say an extra prayer for him, I would appreciate it. Thanks!