Wednesday, June 25, 2008

back to work

Maybe today was just a "good" day:

Today I went back to work. I struggled getting up and moving this morning, I was extremely unmotivated, but I made it in. It was actually kind of nice to get back to "normal," at least I wasn't sitting on the couch feeling sorry for myself. And I didn't really have to deal with anyone except customers today. My management staff had plenty of extra associates on for me, so that was a help-I could stay busy without having to really talk to anyone. The day went pretty fast. I am exhausted, but that means I will sleep well tonight. My DH also came home today, which I really needed. I missed him and it was nice to snuggle into his arms. I am starting to feel normal again-no cramps. I only had one crying spell today-and yes it was at work. At least I was smart enough not to wear eye makeup today. It came and went, and I decided to bury myself in work, so the day would pass.

I have decided I really want to just start another cycle. I don't want to pretend like this never happened, but I don't want to dwell on it either. It happened-it sucks, more than anything has ever sucked in my life. But I have a lot of wonderful things in my life, like my husband, family, a great job, and great friends. I have spoke to a couple people who have had m/c and they all say the same thing-it sucks but it happened for a reason. They are all optimistic-but they all got pregnant again on the next cycle. I can only hope that we have the same outcome. I went into the last cycle confident that we were going to get pregnant, I never felt that in any previous cycle. And I feel that same feeling coming back, I just want to get on with it already! Is this normal?

Tomorrow will be a long day. We are getting a new computer system at work and we go live with it tomorrow. Then after work I have to drive to Milwaukee to have dinner with the president of the company I work for. So I am sure I wont' get home until after 10-I am dreading the long day. Hopefully it will be another "good" day, cause I am just not ready for another "bad" day.

7 comments:

SAHW said...

I'm glad you're feeling good about moving forward...of course that doesn't change what happened, you can't and won't forget it, but it is important that you keep yourself heading towards your goal.

But take it easy on yourself too - this was a hard shock, and it hasn't even been a week yet...so be kind to yourself. :)

Baby Quest said...

Glad to hear that you are hanging in there and doing well. I also returned to work 3 days after my miscarriage and D&C and found it was hard but I was glad that I did. In a way, it forced me to move on and focus on other things. Don't get me wrong, I still have me periods of sadness/anger but it IS getting better everyday. I am there for you if you need. I am starting to get excited about the next cycle and we are going to try for September if I have an AF cycle in July. We will have to wait and see. If you need anything, let me know. We are here for you girl! I know exactly what you are going through.

Ally said...

Oh, sweetie, it is completely normal to feel this way. I miscarried in May and I am so anxious to start up with another cycle I can hardly stand it. Even when I was discussing things with my RE and she told me I could cycle again when my betas hit zero and I was "emotionally ready," I felt like grabbing her and yelling "I'm ready now, lady!"

Best of luck to you. Be kind to yourself.

I Believe in Miracles said...

I'm so sorry for your loss. Hope you get a chance to relax and enjoy spending time with DH this weekend. *Big hug*

CG said...

I am so sorry for your loss. I am glad that you are moving forward and looking forward to the next cycle.

RM said...

I am so sorry you lost this pregnancy. I am no stranger to the process myself, so I know where you are on the emotional rollercoaster. Take it as easy as you can and be extra nice to yourself in these upcoming weeks!

Hope2morrow said...

Hello- I just found your blog from Lost and Found. I'm so sorry to hear about your loss and wish you didn't have to experience this! Our journeys and age and infertility issues sound similar; I'll have to make sure to stay tuned in to your journey!