forgive me father, for I have sinned

I am sorry I haven't posted in a while, it has been a very stressful week. I have been digesting the news. I was supposed to take a HPT on Tuesday. The test results were a little confusing to me, so we decided to wait and retest on Wednesday morning. I shouldn't say they were confusing, but hard to believe. These were my results:

Needless to say they were positive, but really light. So I called my doctor to tell her that I was pulling a positive, and to see if I did something wrong. I have only taken a HPT every month for the last 16 months, but maybe I have been doing it wrong the entire time. She told me congratulations, you are pregnant because it is really hard to pull a false positive, although it does happen. Come in for a blood test to double check. My first beta was 34, which is fairly low, but the doctor wasn't to concerned due to the fact I was "just pregnant." But she did want us to come back on Friday to ensure my beta had at least a 60% increase. My second beta ws 68, so I doubled, which is what they ideally want. In talking to my RE she isn't too concerned about my numbers. I have to go back to her on July 3rd for my first u/s. If there is a fetal heart beat then there is a 96% chance of me carrying full term, and I will be released to my OB. In the mean time, I should relax and just enjoy being pregnant! Ha, Ha, How do you do that? I am really trying to just go with the flow, but it is so hard not to think about it. I want this baby so bad!! I don't know how I am supposed to wait 3 wks to know if this is going to be okay! The 2ww was hard enough.

I feel good, I can't say I feel pregnant or even notice any big changes. My boobs hurt, but they have hurt for about 6 wks, although they do seem a little bigger. Not big enough to buy a new bra though. I have noticed I go from full to starving in about 3.2 seconds, and if I don't eat soon I feel nauseous. I am getting a little more tired, but I think that is from being stressed out and my crazy work schedule. Other than that all is well, like I said there are no visable signs, although I do have to urinate a lot more now.

In other thoughts, the last time I was back home, my cousin gave me a big buddha statue, that they call a fertility god. Both of my cousins used it while trying to get pregnant. It is a big statue that you can put in your yard.

It is supposed to give you good baby luck! The scary thing is I am kind of believing it. Obviously it worked, but now I am wondering why I didn't just take it home on my wedding night. We could have alleviated a lot of pain!