back to work

I went back to work today after a long 4 days off. We have done a lot of traveling and had a lot of Dr's appointments. Last night my sister in law graduated high school. I never realized how old that makes me feel until we realized she was entering 1st grade when I was graduating high school! Less than a month until I am 30 years old. I fear it so much, I want to stay in my 20's. I think I am having a hard time because I am not exactly where I saw myself at this age. Now don't take that wrong. I have a great job, a wonderful husband, we have a house, and we do the things we want to do. Okay the truth is I thought I would be a mother my the time I was 30. The truth is out. I think that is why I am having such a hard time.

Let's change the subject! I feel like shit again today! I am so swollen-it sucks. My pants are super tight, and it hurts to move. I have to check in to my doctor tomorrow because of the pain and bloating. I am not gaining weight and still taking fluids in, so that is a good sign-at least for OHSS. Well I am off to bed, I am exhausted!

Wednesday

Sorry to make this quick-Everything went well this morning. My husband had great numbers as usual-128 ml. Yesterday, I progressively felt worse as the day went on. Truly, I thought my abdomen was going to explode. Apparently my E2 numbers were off the charts when I did blood work on Monday-were talking over 4200. My doctor thinks I might have been riding the fence of Hyper stimulation! That would explain the sheer pain I was experiencing. I haven't done enough research on it to know all the details, but would prefer not to find out myself. Today I feel much better, still hurt a little, but not bad!

We are back at the in laws for dh's sisters graduation tonight. Will update more tonight or tomorrow.

IUI

We had our IUI this morning. Everything went well. I was kind of dreading going this morning because for some reason I remember it hurting really bad. This time was definitely not as bad. My dh has super sperm again. Last time he was at 54.3 million, this time he was at 168 million-yes folks this is no lie. Motility were all in the high percentiles again as well. I am afraid that this whole thing is going to go to his head, he is already walking around all macho and proud, and subtly reminds me when he can.

I am really crampy today, which my RE said is normal. It started before I went for the IUI. Mainly, my lower pelvic area is sore. I think my nerves, anxiety, and hormones have caught up to me. I am a walking time bomb the last two days. Moody as hell, crabby as hell, annoyed as hell-you get the picture.

Today we are going to head to Milwaukee to a Brewer game, something to keep my mind busy. It is so nice to not have to give myself a shot tonight!

were ready

today I had my u/s. We have 2 eggs at 18mm, 1 at 17mm, and one just above 15. So we are having our IUI tomorrow morning and Wednesday morning. We definitely have to take the shot tonight, I have about 4 other eggs that could be ready in about two days if we would wait and then we would have to cancel this cycle, and that would suck! I have to take my ovidrel shot tonight sometime between 5-7pm. And the other good news with this is we think I will have enough drugs to get me through one more cycle IF this cycle doesn't work, although it going to work. I am really excited, definitely not as anxious as last time. I am kind of sad we are not going to go back up to my in laws until Wednesday. We were looking forward to spending time with dh's family and also seeing our California friends.

So in the mean time, we are going to hang out with my cousin and her fiance, and her sister (obviously my cousin as well.) We don't know what we are going to do: cook out, go to the zoo, play board games, but I am sure we will have a good time. Tomorrow, I think we are going to the brewer game at 7pm. It will be our first one of the year! My sister, Stacey (another cousin), and Stacey's BF are going as well.

After our appointment on Wednesday, we will be heading back up to Altoona for Brit's graduation ceremony. When I first met Dh, she had just turned 15. She was still a kid! Now she is graduating, and is young adult! It is scary, I feel so old! How did the last few years go by so fast?

traveling

We are leaving tonight to go to DH's parents. His youngest sister graduates from high school on Wednesday, so her grad party is on Sunday and then Ceremonies on Wednesday night. We are coming home Sunday night because I have a RE appointment on Monday morning at 7:30. I won't be doing much blogging this weekend, but I will update after my appointment sometime on Monday. We are then heading back up on Monday morning. Thank god gas is so cheap! We are actually going to Minneapolis to visit our California friends. We are grilling out Monday afternoon, then heading back to my in-laws. I am pretty excited to see all of them. Hope everyone has a great holiday weekend.

good signs coming our way

My appointment went well this morning. My doctor was very impressed with how well I have responded to injectables. The drug makes you produce a lot of eggs/follicles, and then hopefully 3 or 4 will break off; that is when they give me the ovidrel to ovulate. I had 39 follicles, yes folks 39. 4 of them are over double the size of all the rest of them. My estridiol came back at 428, which is a little high. So they lowered my dosage to 75 ui instead of 100. I go back on Monday for more blood work and u/s

I am shocked at how less stressful this cycle is. I am not experiencing any side effects like I did with clomid and femara. I am tired and a little more emotional than normal, but other than that I can't complain. I expected it to be as bad as it was before. I think the other drugs make you depressed and you stew about things more, plus you don't feel good. But I do have a cold and sound like shit-does that count for anything?

birthcontrol

Just a funny thought. I am reading this book A Few good eggs by Julie Vargo and Maureen Regan and they have a part in there on how in their 20's they spent all their money on trying to prevent pregnacy. So I decided to see how much I spent! YIKES, I have spent over $4200 on birth control. If I only knew what I knew now.

infertility's common thread

I read this blog off of a site:
http://stirrup-queens.blogspot.com/2006/09/history-of-infertilitys-common-thread.html

For those of you that need support please read this blog, it is very informative.

Pomegranates, a longstanding symbol of fertility, serve as a strong analogy to those suffering through infertility. Though each pomegranate skin is unique in colour and texture, the seeds inside are remarkably similar from fruit to fruit. Though our diagnosis is unique—endometriosis, low sperm count, luteal phase defect, or causes unknown—the emotions, those seeds on the inside, are the same from person to person. Infertility creates frustration, anger, depression, guilt, and loneliness. Compounding these emotions is the shame that drives people suffering from infertility to retreat into silence.

In addition, the seeds represent the multitude of ways one can build their family: natural conception, treatments, adoption, third-party reproduction, or even choosing to live child-free. The pomegranate thread holds a two-fold purpose: to identify and create community between those experiencing infertility as well as create a starting point for a conversation. Women pregnant through A.R.T., families created through adoption, or couples trying to conceive during infertility can wear the thread, identifying themselves to others in this silent community. At the same time, the string serves as a gateway to conversations about infertility when people inquire about its purpose. These conversations are imperative if we are ever to remove the social stigma attached to infertility.Tie on the thread because you’re not alone. Wear to make aware.Join us in starting this conversation about infertility by purchasing this pomegranate-coloured thread (#814 by DMC) at any craft, knitting, or variety store such as Walmart or Target. Tie it on your right wrist. Notice it on others.

On my sidebar you will see infertility's common thread. For those bloggers reading this, please feel free to copy this and add it to yours as well.

1st shot down

Thought you might want to see some really cute pictures from our trip! The top one is Carter, he is 5 months and the best baby! The bottom one is myself, Payton, 3 and Justin.

We started injectables today! We went to the doctor and had a u/s and they tested my estrogen levels. The u/s showed little eggs-like always, so that was good for us to start today. My estrogen had to come back under 50, I was at 32. So it was a go! We go back on Thursday for an u/s and blood work.

I have Gonal F Vials. One nice thing is my doctor did give it to us free! Hopefully this will work and we won't need anymore. I have to mix a shot of solution with a powder in a vial. After it is mixed, I get a syringe and pull back 100 units, and give myself a shot in the stomach. I am very positive about this round. Our trip was a great break, much was needed. But now we are refreshed and ready to get knocked up!! My aunt gave me a large Buddha, it is a big rock looking thing that goes in a garden. It's approximately 3 feet tall. Her and my cousins have decided it is a fertility god. The best thing is it worked for both of her daughters, and it is our turn now. It better work or I want my money back!

game on

If you read my previous post, you have seen that my travel plans have been postponed. I have not gotten a confirmed date on when I will start traveling. So far all I know is I have to be able to commit to being gone July 5-October week 3. Now, I won't necessarily be gone for the whole duration, but that is the window. In the mean time I had to contact my RE to postpone my start date. After some conversation we have decided that we are going to go ahead and start injectables this month. Normally I would go to the doctor on day 3 of my cycle. If I were to do that I would go to the doctor some time in the later part of this month, due to the fact AF decided to visit me while I was on vacation. But because I didn't produce any eggs with the last treatment, my doctor doesn't think that I am producing anything on my own. On Monday I have to go to the doctor for a ultrasound. If all in clear I will start injectables on Monday night. From my understanding I will be doing Gonal-F, which is the injectable drug. It is given in two forms, a pen that is given in the stomach or a shot in the ass. I am hoping that I will get the pen, due to the fact I can give myself the shots myself. Other wise I think my husband will get a lot of kicks giving me a shot in the ass everynight.

On some of the blogs I have read, people get really bloated, plus all the other side effects. You know there is nothing better than being so bloated you almost look pregnant, but yet can't get pregnant.

Funny story: I have this girl who works for me. She is new, very young, very different. Anyway, we were closing together the other night and she was asking me some questions like "how long you been married?" and "do you want kids?" So I told her that I have been married one year and that we weren't in a hurry to have kids, which obviously is a total lie-but there are only a few people close to me that know about all the fertility. She looked at me and says (no lie) "aren't you getting a little old to have kids!" What the F#$%! Do I look like I am freaken old! I know I am almost 30, but last I checked that is definitly still child bearing age. I didn't know what to do, I kind of panicked. I don't know what planet she came off of!

were home

We are home, I feel like I have been gone for a month! So obviously we had a great vacation! We went to Disneyworld with my Aunt Darlene and Uncle Steve, their daughter Missy and her husband Jim. As well as their two kids Payton 3,and Carter 5 months. It was hot and humid the whole week, which I loved! I would say it was 90 everyday with about 90% humidity. We tried to stay out of the parks in the afternoons because it was just to hot. With the heat and the excitement of the parks the kids did really well. I am sure they were a little overwhelmed but you really wouldn't have known it.

On May 10, it was Justin's birthday. Out of the 3 three birthdays he has had since we have known each other, we have been at Disney for 2 of them. Nothing better than being at the "happiest place on earth." We really didn't do anything special. We went to dinner and miniature golfing that night. We had a good time! As soon as I upload my pictures I will put some up for your viewing pleasure.

On Monday of our vacation I received a call from work regarding my New York trip. Apparently, it has been postponed! And they have not reset a date for me to leave. It sucks! Rumor has it I may not be leaving until July, which would put us into the end of September, early October before we start treatment. It is frustrating, I just want a break. Every time we turn around there is more bad news or another obstacle. It shouldn't be this hard! I know there are people out there worse off than we are, but it doesn't make it any easier. And I can honestly say that after our trip, I want kids even more!! So hopefully I will hear back from work later this week or early next week. I will keep you all posted as soon as I hear something.

Until then I am back in reality. My cousin Ryan and Tara are coming down on Friday for the night. I am going home on Saturday night after work for Payton' s birthday-the big 3! Then on Sunday I have my cousin Lindsy's bridal shower. And then I have to work that night!! So we will be very busy for the next few days. The more I think about it, it is probably better that we say busy, let time for us to think!

no help

We got denied for the assistance, because we make to much money!! We are supposed to be able to "afford" it with the money we make! Ha, ha that was the most hilarious thing I have ever heard. So we leave for Florida in 2 days, can' t wait, I need it!!